when I'm old and gray

True love lasts forever.

It is eternally patient and forgiving. It believes, hopes, and endures all things. That is the love our Heavenly Father bears for us... when Jesus gave His disciples a new commandment to “love one another; as I have loved you,” He gave to them the grand key to happiness in this life and glory in the next. Love is the greatest of all the commandments—all others hang upon it. It is our focus as followers of the living Christ. It is the one trait that, if developed, will most improve our lives."

- Joseph B. Wirthlin

the prayer

A couple of years ago (you know, pretty much everything I talk about happened a "couple of years ago", if you know our family's story, those years were incredible growing experiences!!) I came across an article that changed my life... it was an incredible love story that started at birth. A couple had a little girl, and when she was born, they decided to start praying for her future husband, even though it would be about 23 years before they would ever meet him. When their daughter was old enough to understand, they told her that somewhere in the world there was someone that would someday be her husband, and they encouraged her to start praying for him, which she did. The rest of the story is so touching and amazing, and sometime I'll have to post it for 'ya!

When I read that story, it hit a chord with me. I realized that somewhere out in the world there was someone who I had never met. But someday our paths would cross, and meanwhile, life would happen, and I wanted the opportunity to pray for this amazing man. Since I was about 15, I started praying for my future husband every day. I think I've only ever missed once or twice, and I have learned so much through praying for someone I don't know. Sometimes I felt like I should pray for him to have the needed strength to endure hardship. Sometimes I prayed that he would have the additional help he needed in all the things he was doing. Sometimes I prayed that he would be able to grow up to be the godly man that he needed to be to fulfill his mission in life. Sometimes I would pray that he would be blessed with extra protection. And sometimes I simply prayed that he would know that somewhere in the world there was a young girl that was praying for him. But the thing that mattered most was that I PRAYED, I prayed hard, and I prayed everyday.

A couple of days ago my sister came across this very touching story, and it touched me so much, especially since I've been doing the very same thing, and I hope for the same happy ending.

"I was recently at a church meeting where a leader spoke to the young women of our Stake. She told us that when she was little she dreamed constantly of the man she would marry. She played little games like, "Whoever wears a red shirt tomorrow is the one", or "If the car makes it through the next stop light, I already know him." Then one day her young women's leader suggested that instead of dreaming of who he would be, the girls should pray for their future husbands. She said that after that, she never missed a night. She would pray that he would be able to live up to the standards she wanted. She prayed that he would be strong enough to make good decisions in his life. Because she was praying for his strength, it made her want to be stronger as well. When she met that man she had been praying for, they fell for each other right away. On the third date, after all of the "get to know you" had been established and things got a little deeper, he told her that every time he had been faced with temptation in his life, he felt he had been blessed with a little extra help in making the right decisions. She couldn't believe it."

I have absolutely no idea who I am going to marry, only God knows that... but what I DO know is that through praying for someone I've never met, I have developed a deep love for whoever that someone is, far more than I ever thought was possible to have for someone you've never met. I would encourage all of you single girls out there to pray for your future husbands, wouldn't that be so neat to have your future husband tell you that he often felt a little extra help... and that help was you?

while I'm waiting

This song is from my new favorite movie, FIREPROOF.
It says so many things that I would say about waiting,
but songs usually say things better than simple prose. ENJOY!

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

the dream

I had a dream...
Most of the dreams I've had don't stick with me very long, but a couple of years ago I had a dream that I think of often. I call it THE THREE LEVELS

1st level - Everything that I did with this boy was in secret. I don't think that my family even knew him! We went running through a restaurant and then secretly went up a canyon to an ancient school house. He wanted us to pick some bricks out of the wall, which we did... and the school collapsed! I don't think anyone knew we did it, and he certainly wasn't going to tell anyone. The only feeling I got from this boy was one of infatuation... nothing deeper, just physical attraction.

2nd level - The second part was even weirder than the first. Luckily this boy was a decent fellow, in fact he was someone I sort of recognized from riding the bus. We were in a supermarket having a race with these weird carts that flew through the air. It was a huge competition and I believe that I won. The feeling that I got from this young man was one of being totally superior to him. He didn't even talk to me, he just gazed at me. There was no companionship, nor even friendship. Just the feeling of being totally superior.

3rd level - The third level is one that I think of often and use as a sounding board for many things in life. There wasn't much to see in this level, just a simple picture that is burned in my memory. All I saw was a young man and myself standing in a garden. I didn't see his face, but I noticed two things... he had brown hair and was about a head taller than me (so about 5-7 inches taller than me). He was holding my hand and I think proposing... and I got a complete feeling of being CHERISHED!!!!!!! I want the feeling of being equal with the person I marry. And I also want to be filled with the desire to improve and become the best wife for him that I can. To be inspired to be better, just by being around him!!

As strange as that dream sounds,
it has given me so much hope
and so much to think about!!
It has made me think so much of how I long
to be with that young man in the garden,
being cherished and loved by someone
that God has chosen for me!!

my perfect plans

ever since I was little, one of my greatest dreams was to have a family of my own. In fact, when I was about 10 or so, my plan was to have 56 children... one for each letter of the alphabet, both a boy and a girl. when I was in high school, I was totally certain that when I graduated prince charming would show up on my doorstep, sweep me off my feet, and by the time I was 23 or so I would have 2-3 adorable children, a perfect marriage, a charming house, and I would be perfectly content.

If anyone would have told me that I would be 20 7/8 years old, still single and living at home, I most likely wouldn't have believed you... but here I am! Heavenly Father had (and still does have) SO much work that needed to be done on me, and frankly I am not quite sure that I would've been ready to get married at 17.

Throughout the years, I have grown so much in my desire and dreams for my future. In my patriarchal blessing there is a tiny little paragraph about my future family, and I have just poured over it trying to understand every little word. That little paragraph has worked wonders in my life. One little part of it talks about a desiring a companion... that little word has changed my life!!

Over the years I have come to realize that I didn't desire a companion... I just wanted a family and all the fixings... babies, laundry, cooking, etc., but a husband didn't matter that much. But as I have grown older (and hopefully wiser!) I have come to realize that the one thing that I want more than anything (except eternal life) is a companion! I want someone who is my very best friend and I his! As I looked back and wondered why in the world I had such a strange perspective, I came to realize that in all the couples in my life, as great as their marriages were... they weren't necessarily companions and best friends. Through the past 2 years I have met some wonderful ladies whose husbands are their very best friends. One couple in particular is so cute to watch... they so obviously love each other, and I love spending time at their home!

as I look back over the years, I am beyond grateful that Heavenly Father didn't answer my prayers for my perfect plan to come to pass. He has a perfect plan for me, and it is beyond anything I could ever dream up! The past two years have been incredible years for me... and what if God had answered my prayers?? I would have been lacking a huge part of who I have become!!

I am so thankful for a God who answers prayers,
but also sees fit to not answer sometimes!!

happy valentine's

well, I just did a little reading about how valentine's came to be... what an interesting history (see this page on wikipedia)! One part that struck my funny bone was when they said that in the 19th century handwritten cards were replaced by mass produced ones. Now, that isn't funny, in fact, it's quite sad, but if you have ever seen the movie "Cranford" you will recall the following scene....

the spinster ladies of the town have gathered around the local general store to see the latest rage in England... PRINTED VALENTINE'S!! The lady who is in charge of the town (well, at least she thinks she is :) says, what is the world coming to if our valentines are being PRINTED?! Those printed valentines create quite the stir in the town as I recall... it must just be best to hand write them from now on!

I actually don't have a valentine (by definition - a sweetheart) that I know by name, but I do have one somewhere in the world who I love very much, even though I don't know exactly who he is!! As those of you who followed my last blog know, I haven't ever had a boyfriend, I haven't ever held hands with a boy, and I certainly haven't ever kissed anyone! Life has turned out a lot differently then I ever expected, but it has been so good! This week I'm going to be posting some things for my valentine... my wonderful future husband (though I don't exactly know who he is!!)! I'll also be posting some things that have helped me immensely in learning to wait patiently!